Clue
by Lizzy1
Summary: What happens when the G-boys and a few old friends (The Beatles) come together to make a Fanfic? Well, to tell you the truth i don't know...but i finally updated! OO;; Amazing, no? Well, enjoy! ^-^
1. Meet the Weapons

"Clue"

"Clue"

Chapter 1: Meet the Weapons

Based off of the board game and movie, 'Clue' ©

New England 1970

A large black car is seen rolling up to Hill House.The gates to the front of the house open and the driver goes through them, up to the mansion that lay on the highest point on the property, which, mind you was guarded by two vicious dogs. As the car finds its way to the drive of the house a crash of lightning is seen; the car stops. John, the butler steps out of the car, holding in his hands a brown bag. The dogs growl at him and walk as far as they can towards him (because of the large chains holding them back). John casually walks up to them, putting his hand into the bag to pull out some meat for the dogs. When the meat is in sight, the dogs jump at him, and he throws it down to them. As the dogs begin to eat the meat they were given, John lets one of the chains for the dogs loose, and throws its piece of meat to the side of the house; the dog runs insanely around the corner and begins eating. Happy with what he had done, John began to walk towards the door, but stopped half way there. He looked at the bottom of his shoe, then looked at the dog angrily. He continued walking to the house, trying to clean his shoe as he went. He unlocked the door, and walked in, placed his coat in the closet and walked to the library. As he was walking to the library he past the lounge to his left and the study to his right, walking on he past the billiard room to his right then went to the library, which was on the right, across the hall from the dinning room. Upon entering the room he could hear the song "Shake, Rattle, And Roll" playing on the record player, he then saw Yvette the maid, a very beautiful French woman with very large………you-know-whats…(pronounced: Eevet…long e…) She was dancing along with the music and cleaning glasses. John walked over, turned off the record player, and said:

John: Is everything ready for the guests?

Yvette: We, Misure…**sniff**

John: good, they should be here any moment now…

(The bell rings in the hall)

John: see? I told you…**Walks out into the hall and opens the door to reveal Ringo**

(Yvette looks at her shoes to see if she had stepped in anything)

Ringo: `ello…

John: ah, you must be Colonial Starr, am I right?

Ringo: well, yes. But, you can call me-

John: please, you are not to reveal your first name, Mr. Starr…**takes his coat**

Ringo: Why?

John: You'll find out when the time is right, Sir…Come this way.

Ringo: okay, **sniffs and looks at his shoes**

(John escorts Ringo to the library where Yvette is poring him a glass of brandy)

John: This is Colonial Starr, **to Ringo** and this is Yvette.

(Ringo and Yvette smile)

John: Yvette, please give Mr. Starr anything he requires…**looks at Ringo** within reason, that is…

(John walks back into the hall and across the way to the kitchen; there he finds the cook, sharpening knifes, preparing for dinner.)

John: so, when will dinner be ready?

Cook: **takes the knifes she's sharpening and points it right at his face** dinner will be ready at 7:30…

John: ok……I-

(Door bell rings.)

John: pardon me…

(He walks to the front door and opens it to see Wufei.)

John: allow me to take your coat, Master…

Wufei: oh, you don't have to call me master!

John: well, your name IS Master Chang, after all.

Wufei: oh, I thought you were referring to me as your…umm…yeah…

John: …**puts Wufeis coat in the closet** follow me, Sir…**he walks, with Wufei close behind, to the library** Master Chang this is Yvette.

(Wufei looks at Yvette then looks away; Yvette does the same)

John: I see you know each other…

(There is a crash of lightning and it begins to rain)

John: But, anyway this is Colonial Starr.

Ringo: `Ello…

Wufei: hello…

John: …

(The doorbell rings)

John: excuse me….**he walks to the front door opens it and Paul is there standing in the rain** hello Sir, you must been Mr. McCartney!

Paul: yes, and, who are you?

John: oh, I'm just the butler, sir.

(The dog starts to walk toward Paul)

Paul: oh, I see.

John: Sit!!

(Paul immediately sits down on the bench next to the front door)

John: …no not you sir, the dog…

Paul: oh…**gets up**

John: this way Mr. McCartney. **he walks down to the library and takes Paul's coat and hat** please make yourself at home…

~The scene changes to Duo, who's car is stalled about a mile away from the house~

Duo: God Damn it…**kicks his car wheel as more rain begins to fall** just great…now how am I supposed to get there…

(A car is seen driving up, driven by George. Duo sees the car and then stands in the way of it, George is forced to stop)

George: Get out of the road!

Duo: …no…

George: fine! Where are you going?!

Duo: …**pulls out a letter** Hill House…off route 41!

George: really? That's where I'm going! Get in!

Duo: **gets in the car** what a strange coincidence, huh?

George: yeah, lemme see your letter…**duo gives him the letter** I got a letter like this…hmm…

Duo: ……ok…

George: …lets go…**gives him his letter back**

(They begin driving up to the house and when they reach it, the gates open and the car stops)

Duo: why isn't the car moving??

George: it's frightened…

Duo: ¬.¬;;

(George continues driving up the drive way and stops the car at the door they both get out and run to the door)

George: God, it's freezing out!

Duo: yeah, I know…**pulls out a pack of cigarettes** want one?

George: sure…**takes one and rings the doorbell while lighting it**

Duo: Damn it…..I lost my lighter…..

George: here **lights Duo's cigarette just as John opens the door**

John: …**looks around at the cars** Professor Harrison, Sir Maxwell, I didn't know you were acquainted!

Duo: we're not…

George: …where did you get that idea?

John: well, there are only 6 cars in the drive.

Duo: oh….well, my car broke down and…he picked me up…

George: …yeah…

John: well, ok…in that case, come in, let me take your coats and if you would please join the others in the library.

(They all walk to the library and say 'hello'…kind of…and not 2 minutes later the doorbell rang again. John opened the door and escorted Quatre to the library)

John: and this is Constable Winner.

Ringo: what did he win?

Quatre: …haha very funny…

Paul: …

Yvette: here you go misure. **hands Quatre a drink**

Quatre: …oh, thank you!

John: well, dinner should be ready soon! And as you were told as you came in; since you were told that only your last name shall be used, in order to protect who you really are.

(The cook hits the gong in the hall way, letting them know dinner is ready. Paul, startled by this, jumped, spilling his Champaign all over Quatre)

Paul: …sorry……I'm sort of accident prone…

Quatre: so I can see…

(They all walk into the dinning room across the hall)

John: you will find your names next your places,

(Everyone sits down in there given spots, and Ringo notices an empty seat)

Ringo: Is this seat for you?

John: hell, no!

Duo: that was uncalled for…

John: pardon my French, sir, but I am but a humble butler…

Ringo: and what exactly do you do?

John: I butle, sir…

Ringo: oh…then who is our host?

John: you will see shortly…

(Yvette brings out a bowl of soup, and they begin eating)

Duo: **slurp slurp slurp** mmmm, this is good! ^-^

All: **holding there spoons in mid air staring at Duo**

Duo: what?

All: oh nothing…

John: are we ready for main course?

Wufei: what about our host?

Yvette: **walking in carrying the main course** I will keep something warm for him.

George: what did you have in mind? **smiles**

Quatre: **eating** mmm! This is one of my favorite recipes!

John: …I know, Sir.

Quatre: well…I guess I'll start the talking, I mean I'm used to it, after all it is essential to host a party when you are the son of a—oh…that's right, were not supposed to say who we really are……

Ringo: son of a what?

Duo: bitch?

Quatre: …very funny…

George: you said you're used to hosting parties?

Quatre: yes,

Wufei: so you're a politician's son?

Quatre: yes, I am…

Duo: well I was damn close, now wasn't I?

Paul: **laughs**

George: considering how much you talk, Constable Winner, it seems to me that you may be afraid of silence. So are you?

Quatre: ye—NO! Why?

George: well, you may be suffering from something that we call pressure of speech

Duo: we? Are you a shrink?

George: yes, in a way but I don't practice…

Duo: practice makes perfect…

Paul: yeah, that's true, so what do you do now Professor?

George: well, I work for the United Nations. 

Ringo: Jesus, another politician…

George: no, I work for a branch of the UN, W-H-O-the world health organization. And, you, Colonial Starr? Are you a real colonial? 

Ringo: I am, WW II! What about you Maxwell?

Duo: me? I'd rather not say.

Quatre: ok, then where do you live?

Duo: …

Paul: I know who you are.

Duo: ?! h-how do you know who I am?

Paul: you live in Washington D.C.

Duo: How did you know that?

Paul: I live in Washington too.

Wufei: so do I. And so do you Constable,

Quatre: how did you know?

Wufei: I've seen you…although you may not of seen me…

Ringo: I live there too! Does anyone here not live in Washington D.C.?

George: I don't…

Paul: Yes, but you have a government job, so does anyone not make a living from the government one may or another?

(No one says anything)

Quatre: well, who do you work for Master Chang?

Wufei: a rather lazy man…

Paul: Lazy?

Wufei: yeah, he lies around on his back all day…

Ringo: really…

(The doorbell rings)

John: excuse me for a moment.

(John walks out to the hall once more and opens the front door)

John: Welcome, Mr. Yuy! You are eagerly awaited…**locks the door**

Heero: You locken` me in? I'll take the key…

John: over my dead body, sir.

Heero: hmph…***puts down a suit case**

John: what is in that bag, Mr. Yuy?

Heero: Surprises, my friend! Surprises!

(They both enter the dinning room and Heero sits in the empty seat. Yvette comes in with a plate of food for him)

Heero: no thanks, Yvette, I just ate.

Wufei: how did you know who she was?

Heero: we know each other, don't we Yvette? **attempts to put his hand up her skirt but she moves away**

Quatre: …John, why exactly, have we been brought here?

John: well, I do believe we all received a letter. Mine says, 'It will be to your advantage to be present on this date because a Mr. Yuy will bring an end to a long standing confidential and painful financial liability.' It is signed A Friend.

Paul: I received a similar letter…

Duo: so did we…**looks at George** didn't we?

Heero: I also received a letter…

John: pardon my curiosity Mr. Yuy but did yours say the same thing?

Heero: No.

John: I see…does any care for fruit, or dissert?

(Everyone pushes their plate away.)

John: ok, then let all please go to the study, then maybe our unknown host will reveal himself.

Duo: but I though Mr. Yuy was our host!

Everyone else: me too!

John: this way please…**walks to the study down the hall, with the other following** everyone please, take a seat!

(Paul and Duo sit in one of the couches; Wufei sits in the chair; Quatre and Ringo sit in the other couch; George just stands by the fire place; and Heero take the chair by the door; John walks over to the desk in the far corner of the room and picks up and large envelope that says: To: John Open this AFTER dinner. John opens the envelope and takes out the contents)

John: gentlemen I have been given instructions to tell you all what you have in common with each other—unless…you like to do the honors Mr. Yuy?

Heero: Why? Do they know me or somethin`?

John: I don't think so, you've never identified yourself…

Heero: **getting angry** this is a hoax! I suggest we all leave! **walks to the front door**

John: NO! Mr. Yuy! You cannot leave this house!

Heero: why not?

John: all the windows have bars, al the doors are locked!

Ringo: you can't hold us prisoner in here!

John: please! Return to the study! Everything will be explained!

(Everyone but Heero return to the study as told; so Heero runs past the study and the library to the conservatory (a type of green house) and picks up a pot to break the glass with)

John: **walks into the doorway** oh, you can't get out that way sir.

Heero: why not? It's only glass!

(suddenly the dog that John had let loose on the side of the house appeared and started barking at Heero)

Heero: …**drops the pot**

(John straitens his jacket and they both go back to the study)

John: Yvette, if you don't mind…

(Yvette looks at him, then leaves)

John: gentlemen, you all have one thing in common, and that is you're all being blackmailed!

Quatre: that's absurd! I've never done anything wrong in my life!

John: does anyone else wish to deny it?

(He pulses and looks around at everyone, no one says a word)

John: Well, **he picks up the papers on the table** on these papers is what you are being blackmailed for.

Ringo: don't you think you might spare us this humiliation?

John: I'm sorry…**he walks over to George and Duo goes and leans on the desk** Professor Harrison! You were once a doctor of medicine, helping clients with mental disorders, correct?

George: yes, but now I work for the United Nations!

John: well, your work has not changed. But, your license to practice has been lifted!

Duo: why? What did he do?

John: well, you know what doctors aren't allowed to do?

Duo: yeah…

John: well, he did…

Duo: oh…you naughty boy…

George: …

Quatre: disgusting!

John: are you making moral judgments, Constable?

Quatre: oh shut up!

John: well, lets see what you did, shall we? Hmmm, it says here that you gave bribes to thousands of innocent citizens on the USA just so your father could become Senator. Now what do say about that?

Duo: I'd say it stinks…

George: is that true?

Quatre: NO! It's a vicious lie!

John: I'm sure we're all glad to hear that. But you've been paying an unknown blackmailer for over a year now to keep that story out of the papers…

Quatre: …

Wufei: well, I don't blame you. I'm also being blackmailed for something I didn't do.

Everyone else but Duo: Me too!

Duo: not me…

John: you're not being blackmailed??

Duo: oh, I'm being blackmailed, but I did what I'm being blackmailed for.

Ringo: so what did you do?

Duo: well, I run a chain of small hotels that gives the visitor the company of a young lady for a short time…

George: really? **pulls out a little black book and a pen** what's the number?

Ringo: **laughs**

John: oh, you laugh do you Colonial?

Ringo: well, I…

John: this paper says that you were one of Sir Maxwell's clients!

Ringo: **walks over to Duo** that is not true! Tell them that that isn't true!

Duo: It's not true.

Ringo: **whispers to Duo** is it true?

Duo: no it's not true.

John: A double negative!

Ringo: you mean you have photographs?!

John: I'm afraid you gave yourself away…

Ringo: are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

John: you don't need any help from me, sir…

Ringo: that's right! …*looks around** wait…

John: and you drive a very expencive car, for someone who lives on a colonial's pay!

Ringo: I don't! I came into money during the war, when I lost my mummy and daddy…

John: …

George: I don't blame you for visiting the house of girls, Colonial, most soldiers do, don't they?

John: …moving on…Master Chang!

Wufei: what?

John: your last boss, let's say, died under, shall we say mysterious reasons?

Wufei: …

Duo: ah, I see, that's why he was laying on his back…in his coffin…

Wufei: I didn't kill him…

John: then what happened to him?

Wufei: well, the bastard was always and overly optimistic man…he was also a lunatic; he was my master, trained me in the martial arts, he always said I was a bad student and threatened to kill me in public.

Duo: why would he wanna kill you in public?

John: I think he meant that he threatened in public to kill him.

Duo: oh…

John: **rolls eyes**

Wufei: I'd have to say it did come as a great shock to him when he died. Apparently he was found at home…his head had been cut off and ummmm…so had his…you know…

(Everyone sitting down crosses their legs)

Duo: so…when he died, did you care?

Wufei: Well…it's a mater of life after death…now that he's dead I have a life

John: Why do you say that?

Wufei: well, after he died I was promoted to the Master…

John: …well, this also says that your boss before that disappeared too.

Wufei: well, that was his job…he was a martial artist and an illusionist.

John: but he never reappeared!

Wufei: he wasn't a very good illusionist…

(George sits down next to Paul and Duo goes back to the desk, Ringo sits next to Quatre)

Paul: ……I'm not going to wait for John to unmask me **gets up**…I work as an undercover agent in Washington D.C., and Britain. And I am a homosexual…I fell no personal shame or guilt about this, but I must keep it a secret or I will lose my job on security grounds…thank you…**sits back down**

George: …well! **gets up** that just leaves Mr. Yuy…

John: oh haven't you guessed? He's the one blackmailing you all.

Ringo: You bastard! **gets up**

Heero: **gets up and punches Ringo in the nose. Then pokes him I the eyes and steps on his foot**

John: Mr. Yuy!

(Wufei walks over and kicks him right where it hurts…)

John: was that absolutely necessary Master Chang?

(They all get up and are about to jump on Heero and kill him…when…)

John: PLEASE! Gentlemen! Please just sit down! The police are coming! They will be here in about 45 minutes! You can turn Mr. Yuy over to them and all your troubles will be over! You've all admitted how he's been able to blackmail you! All you have to do is tell the police!

Heero: it's not that easy…you'll never tell the police…

John: I can, I have evidence in my possession and this conversation is being tape recorded!

(The scene changes to Yvette sitting in the Billiard room next door listening to the conversation then the scene switches back)

Paul: a point of order states that tape recordings are not in visible evidence!

Heero: **walks toward the door**

John: where are you going?

Heero: can't I just get my little bag from the hall?

(He walks out of the room, the returns holding a bag)

Heero: who can guess what's in here?

Duo: the evidence against us, no doubt…

Heero: **laughs evilly and hands then all black boxes each a different size and shape tied with a dark purple ribbon** open `em.

Duo: …why not…**opens it to reveal the CandleStick** A candlestick? …What's this for?

(Paul opens his and it's the Led Pipe. Wufei opens his to find the Rope. Quatre gets the Dagger. Ringo receives the Wrench. And George: the Gun)

Heero: in your hands, you each hold a lethal weapon…and if one of you kills John now, no one will ever know this meeting took place, he has the evidence against you. He has the key to the front door, humph, which he said would be opened over his dead body…so I suggest we take him up on that offer…**walks over to the light switch** now……**switches off the lights**

Announcer Guy: will John live to sleep in his pit again? Find out in the next episode of Clue! "Overkill"

Please R+R!! 


	2. I'm Only Sleeping

"Clue"

Chapter 2: Overkill

(A gun goes off and you hear the sound of something shattering; and everyone scrambles to find the light switch; Paul, knowing where it was, turned on the lights. And on the floor lie………Heero?)

John: …how could this have happened?!

Paul: …

George: let me see…**checks for a pulse in his neck; then in his wrist** he's dead!

Duo: …Who killed him!

Ringo: I heard a gun go off…

Wufei: who had the gun?!

Quatre: Professor Harrison did!

George: I didn't kill him! Someone tried to grab the gun from me in the dark, and the gun went off!

Paul: then if you didn't kill him, who did?

George: …**turns Heero over** Nobody! Look! There's no gunshot wound!

John: see, he's right! The bullet broke that vase on the mantel!

(They all walk over to the vase and see a bullet hole in the wall)

Duo: well, if he wasn't shot…how did he die?

George: I don't know!

Quatre: ……I need a drink…**picks up the glass by the door and takes a drink**

Ringo: me too…**walks to the corner of the room where the brandy is**

George: …**looks at the glass that Quatre picked up** Maybe he was poisoned!

Quatre: …**turns green**…oh great…**drops the glass** ummm…I need to sit down…**Sits down on the couch, while turning different colours**

Paul: …**sits down on the table next to the record player** how do you know that it was poisoned? 

Duo: …**walks over and picks up the glass Quatre dropped** …I guess we'll never know…

George: unless he dies too…

(Immediately everyone in the room except John and Paul walk over to Quatre and just stare at him, as though expecting him to die any minute.) 

Wufei: anyone of us could be the killer though…

Paul: …you could be waiting for hours you know…**lies back on the record player accidentally flipping the switch, which turns it on full blast playing "Twist and Shout"** ?!

John: …turn that off!!

Paul: I'm trying, where is the switch?!

John: on the side!!!

Paul: OH! **Turns off the record player**

Quatre: …**is dizzy**

(A scream is heard from the room next door. Everyone looks at each other and run out to the hall to the billiard room)

Duo: who is that?

Wufei: could it be the murderer?

John: why would the murderer scream?

George: he must have a victim in there!

Ringo: oh my GOD! Yvette!

Paul: oh God!!

John: Yvette! Open the door!!

(Yvette opens the door)

Paul: …where is the murderer!?

Yvette: Where?! HERE! We are all looking at him!

George: …**looks behind the door**

Yvette: it's what Master Chang said in the Study, anyone of you could be the killer!

John: …But why were you screaming in here all by yourself?

Yvette: I am scared, me too. I also drank the brandy, misure…**cries**

John: Oh, come now…**walks over to Yvette, puts his arm around her** alright, everyone to the study…

(Everyone returns to the study; stepping over Heero and sitting down. Yvette sat down next to Quatre. Ringo sat in a sofa, Paul tries to sit next to him but George sits down first. Wufei sits in his Chair again Duo stands at the desk and Paul ends up sitting on the brandy table in the corner…)

John: …I have something to confess…

All: …

John: this was my idea, I wrote the letters and I sent them out.

Ringo: I thought you were just the butler!

John: I'm not THE butler, but I'm A butler. In fact, I was his butler. **points to Heero**

Paul: then why did you invite us here?!

John: this wasn't supposed to happen! 

Quatre: then what was supposed to happen?

John: my plan was, to get you all here, confess to how he's been able to blackmail you, and then turn him over to the police!

(The table Paul is sitting on breaks and he goes down with it)

Paul: …hehehe…he…

George: …**looks at Paul then back at John** But why did you do it?

John: I…was a victim too…or at least my wife was…she had friends who were………socialists…Mr. Yuy found out, and blackmailed us! We had no money, and the price of his silence was that we work for him for nothing. We were slaves!

Wufei: oh, and we weren't?

John: well, when my wife couldn't take anymore, that's when she decided to…end her life…

Duo: …

Ringo: so, why did he blackmail us?

John: well, it's quite simple. He thought you were all un-American.

Paul: well, if he was such a patriotic American, why didn't he just turn us over to the police?!

John: Because, he decided to turn around and get some money out of it! What could be more American then that?!

Duo: good point…

Ringo: but I'm not American…

(Everyone looks at Ringo, then back at John.)

John: well, now that that is out, we have to find out who killed Mr. Yuy.

Paul: Yeah, the police will be here!

Ringo: is there anyone else in this house?

(John and Yvette look at each other.)

John and Yvette: only the Cook…

(Everyone stands up and says:)

All: THE COOK!

(they all run to the kitchen only to find that the cook is not there…)

Paul: well, where is she? **he walks over to the refrigerator**

John: I don't know…**looks around**

(Suddenly the door to the refrigerator opens and the cook falls out, Paul catches her)

Quatre: oh, my GOD!

George: not another one!

Duo: look! Her back! She's been stabbed!

Paul: a little help from my friends here… **is slipping because of how fat the cook is** PLEASE!

(Everyone runs over and helps him lay her down on her stomach because the dagger is in her back)

Wufei: who had the dagger?!

Quatre: I did!

George: then you killed her!

Quatre: I didn't! I dropped it! Someone must have picked it up!

Ringo: when did you drop it?!

Quatre: Ummm…before I fainted? After I fainted—I don't know!! But any of you could have picked it up…

Paul: why would someone want to kill the cook?!

Duo: dinner wasn't that bad…

Ringo: hmph! Making jokes at a time like this!

Duo: it's my fucking defense mechanism!

John: …please! Language! Gentlemen, we must stay calm! Lets put her in the study with Mr. Yuy…

George: why?

John: I'm the butler, I like to keep the kitchen tighty…

(They all pick up the cook and carry her down to the study but as they walk in the door John sees that Heero is missing)

John: **Drops the Cooks arm he was holding** the body!

Quatre: What?

John: No body…Mr. Yuy's body is gone!

Ringo: **drops the cooks other arm making her land face first on the floor** oh God!

Paul: he must not have been dead!

George: he was! I checked!

Wufei: we should have made sure…

Duo: by cutting his head off I suppose…

Quatre: that was uncalled for…

(They all just Drop the cook in the doorway and search the room for Heero)

Quatre: Yvette, is there a little boys room somewhere?

Yvette: Wee wee, misure…**points down the hall**

Quatre: no, I'm just gonna wash up a bit…

Yvette: …

Paul: maybe there really is life after death……

Duo: …Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage…**walks over to the desk and picks up some negatives** Hmm, what are these?

John: I'm afraid those are the negatives to which Colonial Starr refereed to earlier…

Ringo: oh, God…

George: Really? Let me see! **looks at them and smiles**

Duo: hmm, really? **holds them up to the light** oh, these are very pretty. Do you want to see them Yvette? They might interest you.

Yvette: no, misure, I am a Lady…

Duo: how do you know what kind of pictures they are if you are such a Lady?

Ringo: those are MY negatives, thank you! Give them to me!

Duo: why do you want them so badly?

Ringo: …Mr. Yuy threatened to send those photos to my dear old mother, the shock would have killed her!

John: that would have been quite an achievement considering you told us she's already dead as a damn door knob…

Ringo: …at the time she WAS alive… 

(Quatre walks out into the hall and over to the bathroom, when he opens it, Heero falls out with a bashed in skull)

Quatre: Oh, God……

Ringo: what was that thud noise out there?

Quatre: oh, just Mr. Yuy…**Faints**

(Duo just stands there with the negatives in his hand; Ringo grabs them and holds them over his head; then John grabs them and sits them back on the desk. Everyone runs out and finds Quatre fainted and Heero on the floor, dead)

John: … my God, this is getting serious…

(They all look at him as though saying 'No duh')

John: but why would someone want to kill him twice?

Duo: that's what I call disgusting…

Ringo: that's what I call overkill…

Wufei: well, he is most certainly dead now…

George: …he was hit over the head with something…**looks up and sees the candlestick mounted over the bathroom door** ummm…John…

John: WHAT!?

Paul: there is no need for shouting!

John: I'M NOT SHOUTING, GOD DAMN IT!

George: umm…John?? **points up to the candlestick**

John: OK! FINE! I AM SHOUTING! I'M SHOUTING! I'M SHOUTING! I'M SHOUT--**The candlestick falls and hits John on the head, knocking him out**

(A few minutes later when John was conscious again…)

George: …ok, put her on the sofa…ladies first…**they all pick up the cook and put her on the sofa.**

John: careful! Don't get blood on the sofa!

Yvette: what do we do? If we sit her like this the dagger will go further into her back…

Ringo: tip her forward…over the arm…

(They all do that)

John: now Mr. Yuy…

(They all pick up Heero and put him on the sofa, George gets trapped in the middle of the cook and Heero and just sits there…)

John: now…**looks at Heero, who's eyes are open, and closes them** look, we still have these weapons. The gun, the rope, the led pipe and the wrench. We'll lock them in the cabinet! **opens the cabinet puts the weapons inside and locks it. Then he takes the key and puts it in his pocket**

Duo: what are you doing with the key?

John: I'm putting it in my pocket, that way I know I'm safe…

Quatre: we don't know that we are!

John: …I've got an idea, we'll throw it away!

George: good idea!

(John runs to the front door with the others close behind him; he opens the door while raising his hand to throw the key but stops. There is a man in an overcoat and derby hat at the front door.)

John: hello… **puts the key in his pocket**

Man: I'm sorry…I didn't mean to disturb the whole house hold…but my car broke down, and I was wondering…if I could use your phone… 

John: one moment please…**he turns around to everyone and they get in a huddle; they discus whether the man should use the phone. John turns back to the motorist (Man)**

John: Sir, you may use the phone in the Lounge…**escorts the motorist to the lounge door he walks in**

Motorist: …thank you…

John: **smiles and closes door, then locks it**

George: where's the key?

John: I've got it. Do you still wish me to throw it away?

All: YES!

John: ok! 

(John runs to the door opens it and pulls out a key, he looks at it, not sure if it is the right one, but throws it away any way…)

John: ok, everyone. Back into the library…

(They all go to the library)

Ringo: there HAS to be someone else in this house…John, is there or isn't there anyone else in this house?

John: …yes…

Ringo: ah, so there is someone else in the house!

John: ummm sorry, I said yes meaning no…

Ringo: …Just answer the question! This is confusing! Is there anyone else in the house?!

John: NO!

Ringo: there isn't any confusion, or there isn't any anyone else in the house?!

John: NEATHER! …OR BOTH!

Wufei: …PLEASE! Will someone please explain what's going on around here…BEFORE THE COPS COME!!

Duo: What about that guy in the lounge?

Quatre: Who care about that guy?! Let him stay locked up for another half an hour! And by then the police will have come!! And there are two dead bodies in the Study!!!!!

All: SH!!!!!

Ringo: …IS THERE ANYONE ELSE IN THE HOUSE!?

All: NO!!!!!

Ringo: that's what he says…but does he know? …I suggest he handle this in proper military fashion, I suggest we all spit up and search the house. **looks at watch** we haven't got much time so I guess we'll split up into pairs…

George: But one of us is the murderer! Whichever one of us gets paired up with the murderer, might get killed!

Paul: then we will know who the killer is…

Quatre: but then the other half of the pair would be dead!

Yvette: …

John: I agree, Yvette…

Yvette: it is dark upstairs! And I am afraid of the dark! Will anyone go with me?

George: I will.

Ringo: I will.

Duo: I will.

Paul: no thank you…

All: …

Wufei: so how do we figure out who our partner is?

John: I've got an idea…**picks up some really long matches** to the kitchen!

(They all head to the kitchen)

John: **pulls out a knife and begins cutting the matches into different sizes; 2 small ones; 2 matches a bit bigger than the small ones; 2 more a bit bigger than those; and 2 of full size** ok, the two shortest together, the next two shortest together. And I suggest the two shortest search the basement, and so on up…**turns around with the matches in hand shuffles them around a bit then turns back around**

(They all pick a match, with Quatre and Gorge getting the smallest; Duo and Ringo getting the next shortest; John and Wufei getting the next; and Paul and Yvette with the longest. They all walk to the places they are supposed to be, Duo and Ringo having the Ground floor just stand there for a minute…)

Duo: well, we know what's in the study…

Ringo: and that guy is locked up in the lounge…

Duo: lets go look in the billiard room again…

Ringo: ok…

(They both go into the billiard room)

~Scene changes to Paul and Yvette In the attic~

(they are both just standing in the door way looking up into the darkness)

Yvette: it's so dark…

Paul: there must be a light switch up there somewhere…

Yvette: then you go and find it…

Paul: okay…

~Scene changes to Quatre and George in the basement~ 

Quatre: ………**stares into the darkness**

George: ………**walks down a few steps**

Quatre: do you see a light switch? **Follows him down the steps**

George: NoOH!!! **Falls down the steps**

Quatre: ….GAH! **Runs down the rest of the steps while George gets up and turns on the light over head**

George: ………ouch…

~The scene changes to John and Wufei on the second floor~

(they are both standing in the doorway of two different rooms that are side by side)

John: are you going in there?

Wufei: yea…..are you going in there?

John: yea……

(Silence)

Wufei: ….I don't see any light switches in there……

John: well, there must be some in there somewhere…

(They look at each other then walk into the separate rooms. Walked only about three feet then jumped back out of the rooms to see if the other had actually gone into the room)

~Back with Duo and Ringo~

Ringo: let's see here….

(Walks over to the rack that holds the pool sticks and grabs one; walks over to Duo, who is totally paranoid at this point, backs away thinking that Ringo is going to hit him over the head. But then Ringo gestures downward with the stick and they both look under the billiard table)

~Back with Paul and Yvette~

(They are both standing in the doorway)

Yvette: ……**looks at Paul** Go oh! I will be right behind you!

Paul: ……that's what I'm afraid of…

Yvette: then we go up together…

(they both go up the stairs at the same time, but it's kind of difficult for Paul, because Yvette's boobs are taking up most of the walking space.)

~Back with Duo and Ringo~

Duo: well, nothing in here…lets go check the ball room…

Ringo: okay…**they both walk to the ball room** well, no ones here!

Duo: **sees the curtains move** unless they're behind on of those curtains…

Ringo: You look! I'm gonna go search the kitchen!

Duo: …..-_-`` allrighty then…

(Ringo leaves and Duo just stands looking at the curtains; he begins to walk toward them, and they move even more. When he finally reaches the curtains he is hesitant, but then quickly pushes the curtains aside to reveal a broken window pain)

Duo: No good piece of **mumble** soiled my pants…………………almost…

(Someone with black gloves on goes into the study and takes the evidence off the table and throws it into the fire. Then to the cabinet with the weapons and opens it with a key. Then they take out the wrench, and walk out of the room; the scene changes to the same person in the Lounge; unbeknownst to the motorist, the person sands right behind him.)

Motorist: **talking on the phone** Yeah, hi…my car broke down…well, I'm here at a strange house, locked up in the Lounge. The people here must be having some kind of party. And the weird thing is; **the man behind him raises his wrench** one of them is my old boss from--**gets hit over the head with the wrench; then he dies**

(the person picks up the phone that the motorist dropped and put it lightly back on the ringer; the scene changes back to Ringo and Duo; who are now both in the Conservatory.)

Duo: well, there's not much in here…

Ringo: only a bunch of plants…

Duo: have you found anything?

Ringo: no…**looks around and then leans back against the bare wall near the window**

Duo: have you already checked that side?

Ringo: Yup! ……WHOA!! **falls backward as the wall behind him gives way, like a door with no latch** well…

Duo: …what the fuck? **walks over to Ringo**

Ringo: …**gets up** It's a secret passage…

Duo: **looks down the long hall way that's inside of it** I wonder where it goes…

Ringo: Well…**grabs a flash light** I've had a good life…I'll go first. 

(He turns on the flash light and they both go down the hall way. About a minute later they find themselves coming out of the other end of the passage; which was already wide open. Ringo pokes his head out of the doorway; which happens to be an open fireplace. Then duo steps out; they both looks around and recognize the room as the lounge. Then they notice the Wrench and the Motorist lying on the floor, dead.)

Duo: oh, my gentle Jesus…

Ringo: oh, god…**runs over to the door and tries to open it** IT'S LOCKED! 

Duo: OH, SHIT! **runs over to the door and starts pounding on it** HELP!

Ringo: HELP HELP!!

John: **hears the cries for help coming from downstairs** what? Oh, I'M COMING! **runs out of the room**

Paul: What's going on!? **is running down the steps**

Duo: …GET US OUT OF HERE!

John: COMING!

(John and Paul run into each other and go flying to the floor)

Paul: ….**helps John up** C`mon! 

(They all run down the steps to the Lounge door.)

Quatre: **coming up the steps** where are they?!

John: The lounge!

Paul: Well, where is the key?!

John: **searches his pockets** The key's gone?!

George: never mind the key! Open the door!

Wufei: YOU CAN'T OPEN THE DOOR WITHOUT A KEY!

Ringo: **pulling at door** OPEN THE DOOR!

John: We're trying!

Paul: LET US IN! LET US IN!

Ringo and Duo: LET US OUT! LET US OUT!!

John: I know…I'll break it down! **runs to the middle of the hall then back at the door; only to fall to the floor grasping his arm in pain**

Yvette: WAIT! I have it! 

(She runs into the Study to the cabinet, which was already open, and grabs the gun. She then runs back to the hall, but trips over John who is one the floor, in doing this the gun goes off and hits the wire that's holding the chandelier up. Then she gets up runs over to door and fires at the lock twice.)

Ringo: I'VE BEEN SHOT! I'VE BEEN SHOT!

Duo: ….**is hiding in the corner**

Yvette: You can come out now! The door is open!

Ringo: **opens the door** Why are you shooting that thing at us!?

Yvette: To get you out!

Ringo: You could have killed us! ……**walks out to the middle of the hallway** I can't take anymore scares…

(Suddenly the chandelier falls right behind where Ringo is standing.)

Ringo: GAHH! **walks stonily over to a chair up against the wall and plops down**

John: …well…

George: …wait…how did you get the gun?

Yvette: from the cabinet! Where else?

Paul: But it was locked! 

Yvette: NO! It was unlocked!

Wufei: WHAT?!

Yvette: But, yes! See for yourself! **She throws the gun down under the chandelier**

(They all run back into the Study.)

Quatre: …how did you know it would be open?

Yvette: I didn't! I think I would break it open, but it was open already!

Duo: a likely story…

John: Please--

(The doorbell rings.)

Paul: I'm going to answer it…

Quatre: WHY?!

Paul: I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE! I didn't do it! …The key? **stares at John**

John: ……**gives him the key**

(Paul walks to the door and opens it to reveal a police officer)

Officer: Good evening!

Paul: **closes the door** …**opens it again and says shakily** h--hi…

Officer: I found an abandoned car down by the road… I was wondering if the driver came in here for some help?

All but Paul: NO!!

Paul: …**smoothly** yes…

Officer: …there seems to be some sort of disagreement here.

All but Paul: NO!!

Paul: …yes…

Officer: …well…can I use your phone?

John: **stepping in** why of course you can! You can use the one in the Stud--no…you can use the on in the Loun--no…would you be so kind as to, umm, as to…uh…to wait in the…in the library.

Officer: …sure…**walks in** …you all seem to be very nervous about something…

John: **quickly** oh, it was the chandelier, it fell down, almost killed us…this way!

(Walks down the hall)

Officer: **stops at entrance to hall and looks at Yvette** …don't I know you from somewhere?

Yvette: **shrugs**

Officer: …oh well…**follows John**

(Duo runs over and closes the door to the study. Then George following Duo's lead shut the door to the Lounge.)

Officer: …what the…?

John: quite drafty…these old houses…in here sir…**the officer walks in** help yourself to water or tea…not the Brandy…just in case…

Officer: Just in case of what?!

John: **smiles and shuts the door and locks it**

(the officer jiggles the door handle, then walk over to the phone and puts him had on it just as it rings.)

Officer: ?!

George: do you think the cop answered it?

Officer: **picks up the phone** Hello? Who may I say is calling? ……can you hang on, please?

(he walks over to the door and pounds on it)

Officer: open this door! You have no right to shut me in! I'll book you for wrongful imprisonment! Obstructing and officer in the course of his duty! AND MURDER!!

John: **opens the door quickly with a broom in his hand he was using to clear the chandelier** What do you mean? Murder?!

Officer: I just said that so you would open the door!

All: OH! A-hahaha!

Officer: What's going on in this house? And why are you receiving phone calls from J. Edgar Hoover?! 

John: J. Edgar Hoover?!

Officer: YES! The head of the murder investigation department!

Ringo: Why is J. Edgar Hoover on your phone?!

John: …well, he's on everyone else's, why shouldn't he be on mine? **walks into the room and closes the door**

Officer: …What's going on here?

Duo: …W-were having a little party!

Officer: ……oh……do you mind if I take a look around?

All: No! no!

Duo: ………You can show him around Mr. McCartney!

Paul: ME?!

Duo: Yea! You can show him the Kitchen, the Dining Room, the Ball Room!

Paul: …….okay…officer, I'll show you the kitchen…or the Dining Room…or the Ball Room…

(Everyone else cleans up the rest of the chandelier and then rush off to the Study.)

(With Paul and the officer.)

Paul: **in the dining room** SO! This is the Dining room!

Officer: …no kidding…

(With the rest of the gang.)

Duo: Okay…you two…**looks at Quatre, Ringo, and the dead cook** you make it look convincing…And you **looks at Wufei and the dead Heero** the Twister board is in the closet…

Wufei: I can't believe I'm doing this…**pulls out the Twister board**

Duo: and…George?

George: Right then!

(Duo and George rush across to the hall to the Lounge.)

Officer: **walking out into the hall** I wanna know what going on in those two rooms…

Paul: **nervously** What two rooms?!

Officer: **points to the Lounge and the Study** those two rooms!

Paul: I'm not sure you want to see what's in there, officer…

Officer: why not?

Paul: **jumps in front of the door as to block the way in** It's just all too shocking!

Officer: …**throws Paul out of the way and opens the door** …

(The officer looks around to see Ringo and the cook up against the 'making out'; unbeknownst to the Officer it was actually Quatre who was behind the cook acting as her arms and Ringo is just holding her up…-_-``)

Officer: …it's not all that shocking…

Wufei: **sarcastically** Left hand blue………**'accidentally' falls down…on top of Heero who is on the ground…….dead….**

Officer: …

(back in the Lounge.)

Duo: **take a bottle of Whisky he put some of it on the motorist lips, then puts the motorist hat over the big bloody bast in his head, then puts the whisky bottle in his hand** …okay what games did you find George?

George: …the only game I could find was……'Candy Land'…**sweat-drops and pulls out the game**

Duo: ………………is that all you could find?!

George: sadly…

Duo: if we must…we must…set it up…make it look like we've been playing for a long time…and put three pieces out…and put in then Molasses Swamp!

George: Right then…**does as he's told**

(George has the board set up and just as Duo sits down and they begin 'playing' then game; the officer walks in)

Officer: …Hello…

Paul: …………**laughs while trying to blurt out** Candy Land?!

Officer: …**walks over to the motorist and sniffs his lips**…this mans drunk…

George: …yeah, he's stuck in Molasses Swamp…

Officer: **examines the game board and sees his game piece** …**looks back at the motorist** he's dead drunk…

Duo: Dead right!

Officer: …**tries to talk to the motorist** your not gonna drive home are ya?

George: …he won't be driving officer I can assure you of that!

Officer: …someone will give him a lift home, huh?

Duo: yea, we'll…we'll get him a car--

George: …a black car--

Duo: ..a limousine…

Officer: ….oh….

George: ……it's your turn…

Duo: …**draws a card**

(The officer leaves the room and walks out the hall, just as John comes back out of the library…)

John: ……**to self** oh, shit…

Officer: …hello again…

John: O-officer…I-I can explain!!

(Paul shakes his head trying to tell John what had happened, without words.)

John: …I don't?!

Officer: No! I've seen everything!

John: you have?

Officer: Don't worry! There's nothing illegal about any of this!

John: really?!

(Paul still tries to tell John what had happened.)

Officer: This is America! The land of the free!

John: I didn't know it was that free…

Officer: …can I use your phone now?

John: Yes! **opens the door for the officer and then locks him in**

Paul: …why did you lock him in again?!

John: we still haven't finished searching the house yet!

(Everyone comes out of the rooms.)

John: …back to searching…

TO BE CONTINUED…

Why are you still here? ……just R+R…¬.¬``


End file.
